Wednesday, January 2, 2008

How Illiterate Are You?

I ain't illiterate, my parents were married by the justice of the peace - Jean Hagen, Singin' in the Rain

These are likely what kids or the semi-literate think the meaning of these words are when they first hear them. Just my guess, I haven’t been a kid or illiterate since last millenium, and purposely never had any, illiterate children that is.

Anarchist – someone who wants to be like Noah
Bigamy – playing two games at the same time
Cardiac – a small Cadillac pedal car for kids
Claustrophobia – Fear that Santa Claus will skip your house this year cuz you were bad
Climatologist – experts on climbing trees, poles, and ladders
Cosmology – study of professional makeup for stars
Curator – the guy in the museum who keeps bad art from making visitors sick
Deadline – a line that, if crossed, might get you killed
Dietician – an expert on dieting
Diversion – distracting someone with math
Dogma – the study of female dogs
Electrical engineer – someone who drives electric trains
Economist – an expert at saving money
Executor – the guy in prison who pulls the switch on the electric chair
Fantasy – when Fanta is your favorite soft drink
Flexology – studying how flexible people are
Fracture – a course in the math of tiny numbers
Gastronomy – the study of gas in the air
Gastronomist – the pilot of hot air balloons
Greenhouse effect – when all the plants go crazy growing all year and get real big
Holy ghost – what God sends to scare you if you have no ‘fear of God’
Hyperbole – a really big cereal bowl
Impale – someone’s telling you that they don’t feel so well
Infraction – something broken on the inside, like a rib
Jesuit – an expert on Jesus
Linguistics – the art of cooking Italian pasta
Mammals – animal mothers
Marathon – a bunch of the same tv show back-to-back, like a Star Trek or Twilight Zone marathon
Medium – the next stage after being a minor
Meteorologist – an expert on meteors, where to find them in the sky and after they hit the earth
Minuet – to eat something really fast
Numerology – the science of counting stuff
Nun – what they call women who give up everything for God: “got nun left”
Nutritionist – an expert on all types of nuts
Paradigm – a nickel short of a quarter
Pheromones – maybe the pharoah ain’t dead yet
Pianist – a word that kids shouldn’t say until they’re in college or the army
Pluresy – when you have more than one illness at once
Politics – the science of poles
Politician – the guys who put up and fix all the poles
Racist – someone who runs from foreigners
Radiologist – the guy who fixes radios
Rocker – someone who likes loud dance music
Sadist – someone who won’t be happy no matter what
Sailor – the people who make sails for sailboats
Sociology – the study of people talking and partying
Steeplechase – a horse race to the church, first rider to climb the steeple wins
Terminal illness – something you catch at an airport or train station
Theology – the study of guys named Theo
Topology – the study of the movements of spinning tops
Treasurer – someone who hunts for lost or buried treasure
Vice president – the person in charge of vice
Zero - the last row in the ballpark
Zoology – the science of running zoos and feeding animals at the right times

________________ (c) 2008, William L. Sinclair _______________

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